YMBDTG #3: You Can’t Make an Omelette Without a Violent Uprising Against the Eggs

Posted by

This is part 3 of a weekly interactive story, links to earlier parts can be found below:

Part 1: A beginning is a very (very) delicate time
Part 2: Up for the craic at dawn.

The most popular choice for continuing the story was:

Get (Literally) Bolshie About It: Shatteringly direct action, riots on the streets, some kind of coup maybe – a proper old-school revolution to overthrow the government.

Part 3: You Can’t Make an Omelette Without a Violent Uprising Against the Eggs

Given that you are a cowardly introvert with a huge aversion to any kind of conflict or violence, it comes as quite a surprise to you that you’ve settled on ‘violent overthrow’ as the best way forward. But, seeing as all you’ve got on the mid-term horizon is a few shifts at the bookshop and a social life descending into a messy rut of low budget hedonism – you think that maybe a period of aggressive sedition would be good for you. A change is as good as a rest.

If you’re going to smash the corrupt political system (and crush the patriarchy too, that seems like a given, plus you probably need to give capitalism a bit of a talking to), then you are going to need some sort of mass movement behind you. Individuals facing down the might of the state never come out of it well. Look at that student facing down the tanks in Tienanmen Square, or the bloke who threw an egg at John Prescott.

If you were to draw a venn diagram of your social groups then you’d have three intersecting circles labelled Allotment/Composting, Work Related and Friends (Misc) – the bit where all three overlap contains some very worrying people indeed.

All told these groups probably total about fifty people, many of whom don’t strike you as the type to assault parliament or even do some mild rioting, although you know at least one of them has thrown a bottle of urine at a police car. She’ll definitely get involved, so that’s one borderline psychopath you can count on – you’ll need a whole lot more though. 

A new wave of buzzes from your phone makes you realise that you’ve been thinking far too small – you’ve got a potential audience of nearly half a million, just waiting to see what that tragic #GIEVRNMENT person is going to say next. Social media trends come and go in the space of a day at most, but you’ve probably still got a small window to get the most attention possible.

You clear a bit of space within the mountain of books, food cartons and random stationery items that has accumulated on your desk and open your laptop to see what is happening with your twitter account.

All of a sudden, Milo, your moody cat, jumps up onto the desk and looks at you with his usual level of withering scorn, you think he probably wants something to eat. In fact, the cat is psychically pleading with you to open a window and let in some fresh air. 

You lift one arse cheek and let out a truly astonishing fart. The sort of emission that probably counts as four different types of health warning. Milo the cat continues to stare at you without moving at all, something like murder shines in his eyes. “If I had thumbs, you’d be in real trouble…” He thinks as loudly as he can. You snap a picture of the especially moody cat, then gently sweep him off the desk.

#GIEVRNMENT is now only the third highest trend on twitter. But number two is ‘I hate the Gievrnment’ and number one is ‘BRING DOWN THIS GIEVRNMENT’ – so it looks like your moment in the sun is lasting a little longer.

You notice that you have 2,892 unread emails clogging up your inbox and wonder what you should do about that as you click onto your twitter profile…

Oh Fuck!

You now have 1.2 Million twitter followers. This is insane. You feel slightly light-headed, is this what being famous feels like? Or maybe your hungover blood sugar levels are a total mess – you should probably eat something.

Anyway – now is clearly the time to follow up on last night’s tweet with some sort of call to arms- a rabble rousing tweet that will sow the seeds of revolution. But what should it be?

(So far you have bought down 0.001% of the government. They don’t know it yet, but a junior accountant in the Treasury is going to get sacked after forwarding an obscenely sweary meme of your drunk selfie tweet to the wrong email distribution list)

After giving it some careful thought – what will your first revolutionary communique say? Please select one of the following options:


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s